Flora Bama

Figured I was done with beach posts for this year, but noooo!  One of my friend girls on this trip mentioned that she had never been to the Flora Bama.  With the party I was with, she was about to get baptized!

It's been a while since I've been out tonking.  I forgot about all the prep work that goes into it when you are with four mature women.   As many blocks as these gals have been around, you would think there would be a few short cuts?  The answer to that is a definite NOT!

Now, the Flora Bama ain't  your average uptown, pretty up, gotta be seen kinda joint.  But, these ladies did all the necessary prep work for their night on the town.  They learned long ago to never ask for permisson, but they did make the customary phone calls to their spousal unit's to let them know where the were headed for the evening,  just in case a call was made to them later in the wee hours from the county jail!

It's seemed that hours of prep work went by just for the baths, makeup and hair treatments.  Then they gave each other that look over to make sure that nothing was out of place, and no body parts were showing.  After thirty years of marriage you would think I would be used to this!  Give me 15 minutes and I'm cleaned up and ready to go!

The youngest of our party, the sweet thang that had never been, had done put on a pair of three inch heels.  Bets were made that she would probably break an ankle walking across the gravel parking lot!

We arrive at the state line.  Already blue lights are flashing.  This is a sign to drive through traffic to slow you ass down, because the foot traffic on a Friday night is nonstop.  This joint got its male from its location, sitting right on the Florida - Alabama state line.

For you first timers, don't forget to take a $5 bill with you for the cash only cover charge.  If you forget, not to worry, as there are plenty of ATM'S that will dispense you some money at $3 a pop.  ID'S are required unless you are like me and have the Grey hair that gets you a free pass.

The Flora Bama is built to withstand everything but a hurricane.   It's constructed out of wood poles beams and boards, held together by steel rods and cables.  The floor is one big deck.  Cleanup is easy, just pull out the pressure washers and hose it down!

In every nook and cranny, there is a bar for you to get you favorite adult beverage.  To keep the math simple, the sales tax is included in the listed price of everything sold in this fine establishment.

There are two main stages at the Flora Bama, the "tent room", and the "bra room".  During prime beach season there are usually two bands playing at the same time.

It has been a while since the spousal unit and I had been here so we took some time to tour the place.  We found the kitchen and knew we would be back since we had not eaten anything all day.  Then we discovered the "liquor room".  All four walls were covered in half gallon bottles of adult beverages, standing upside down, pouring their contents into a dispensing machine that runs throughout the complex,  to all the liquor guns preparing all the mixed drinks.  We stood there in absolute amazement.  This ain't your average run of the mill honky tonk afterall, this is the Flora-Bama!

The joint was a buzz with a tank full of men, young and old, looking to practice their latest pickup lines on all the unsuspecting ladies in attendance.  Folks of all ages make their way to this honky tonk mecca.
All I can say to these fellas is good luck!

The women these days travel in packs.  Young and old, they travel in groups of four to fourteen!  Some are just friend girls out to complete their day at the beach with some teasing tossed at the few brave young bucks that attempt an conversation or try to grab a dance or two.  This is also be considered a cougar den,  with recent divorces waiting to pounce on some unsuspecting buck!

The latest trend, is for herds of young ladies to arrive in limos, all decked out in similar tank tops or with a costume theme.  This is the last flight for a single dove that is on her way to being "poked"!  Yep! That was what was one one of the shirts!  These girls are doing the Bachelorette bash for their bride.  One last throw down before the big event!

Young bucks beware!  Some of these packs of does bring their own Mother Superiors with them.  You can spot them huddling in the corner, keeping a watchful eye on their young brood!

One of the stage rooms is referred to as the 'bra room" for obvious reasons, once you have entered the room.  Bras of all colors and cup  sizes are hanging from cables that cross the ceiling.   Some gals come prepared, with a cheap offering picked up at a discount store.  Others, in the frenzy, toss up their expensive undergarment without a second thought, blaming their consumption of a few adult beverages as the reason for their lapse in judgement!

The exit is as interesting and the entrance.  Taxi cabs are lined up twenty deep to escort you and your party safely home. Yep!  Tonight was quite an experience and good send off for the end of beach vacas, summer 2015!