Common Sense, By Me

There are lots of books out there that can tell you what to do, how to do it, and when.  Some people follow the rules of etiquette, but then there are those that don't know when it's time to come out of the rains.

For those that don't read books, much less follow the rules, there are Bill's rules of common sense:

1.  If you purchase a truck, get ready for that knock, knock on the door.  "Hey buddy, ole pal, can I borrow your and/or your truck?"

2.  If you are going to poot in the car with your spousal unit riding with you, you might as well get your money's worth out of it.  Lock the windows and turn on the heater.  She is gonna get mad at you anyway, might as well have a little fun with it!

3.  The book says never wear white shoes before Easter.  Switch to flip flops.  I get ten months out of the year with them!

4.  If your son is gonna have a girl friend in college, be sure that you read the riot act to him before he gets to campus.  Under no circumstances to you ever cosign a student loan document for a girlfriend, not even if she has your boy's promise ring!

5.  When you see that guy coming that is a know it all about everything and you don't feel like talking to him, go into possum mode.  Your eyeballs probably need the rest anyway.

6.  When you are having a party for an honoree(s), go ahead and distract those guests that are always first in line with something to do.  This will allow you to feed the honorees first.
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7.  If you drive the Natchez Trace with any frequency, what out for a white Kia.  Trying to pass it in a curve, with on coming traffic in eye sight is gonna make your blood pressure go up.  I promise!

8.   If you buy a grill at Home Depot, make sure to give it the parking lot test before you leave.  Roll it through the roughest section of the parking lot to find out if it has any loose screws, nuts, or bolts.  These grills are assembled at the store and the workers are paid by the item.  The more they assemble, the more they get paid. 

9.  If you have stuff you are going to throw away, don't take it to the dump.  Put it on the street for the drive by guy before the garbage truck guy comes.  One or the other will take it off your hands.

10. Caution.  If your spousal unit gets one of those water fountains, get ready.  Sitting outside, and listening to that thing will eventually give you the urge to pee!

11.  When buying a condo for your children to live in at college, have them sign a binding rental agreement for $1.  This will give you the signature of agreement when it come to pets and live in girl friends when its time to evict the pet or pets.

12.  When cleaning out the dryer, have one of those handy grabber sticks nearby.  You never know what will come out of the dryer when son's girl friend used it last!

13.  When driving to a new destination, do not depend on the spousal unit to tell you to turn.  Use a GPS, now found in your smartass phone.  The GPS has saved our marriage, time and time again!

14.  If you children never seem to have time to was their car, volunteer to do it for them.  Wash it in striped patterns, or play tic-tac-toe on the hood, roof, and trunk.  Leave the rest for them.  Gotten a lot of laughs on this one.

15.  When on vacation, be the first in the shower.  You will always have hot water and plenty of towels!

16.  When out to diner and your kids bring along a friend, watch out for the ones that go for the most expensive item on the menu.  When viewing the menu, remind your young guests that they can pick anything on the menu within a dollar limit, especially if you are the one paying for it.

17.  When your children are driving you, and you are on the interstate, and you need to pee, don't tell them "the next exit".  Make sure there is more than one gas station on the blue sign, and it is within sight of the highway exit.  Those "off the road" station restrooms are outside, one seaters, and OMG!  Just ask my spousal unit!

18.  When approaching a major intersection and turning right, using the merge lane, continue moving forward, then gradually "merge" left into traffic.  Its called a "merge" lane, not a "stop, look, and listen" lane for God's sake!

19.  When picking out a washer and dryer, stick with the ones with knobs and buttons.  a Repairman friend of mine had to remind me one time : "not Bill, you're a smart guy.  Haven't you learned by not that moisture and lint and electronics don't mix!"

20.  Don't take social media so seriously.  How many times do we have to read "I can't believe that they defriended me"!

Might have to make a series of these, whatcha think???