Panama City, day four

The first three days were overcast, with some rain, and the view of the beach early in the morning was nothing to talk about.  I got up this morning, pulled back the curtains to find this waiting for me:

The sun had finally broken up all those clouds and was finally stretching its rays westward to create the beginnings of a beautiful day.

I packed up all the gear, loaded up the cooler, and off to the beach I go.  The elevator ride was a short one.  Two floors down, the door opens up to these two cutie pies, Come On In!  Contrary to the gal from yesterday, these two were covered up, thank you very much! All they were carrying were towels. I asked, where's the alcohol? They said "don't worry, we have money. If we run out, we'll just spend our boyfriend's money. They even stopped to read the beach rules sign. My kinda girls!. 

I pick my spot, and I take a second to take in the view from ground zero:

Now this my friends, is what its all about!  Blue water, sugar white sands, and not a cloud in the sky!

As ya'll know, I've been spending quite a few vacations at the beach.  After the last few trips I have determined that tattoos are here to stay.  They are officially part of the beach landscape.  In fact, I've just about to decided that tattooing your spousal unit is a great idea!   Easier to spot on a crowded beach. Plus you can have her "bar coded" labeling her married, and include enough information to cover all the room and bar charges so you won't have to carry a lot of cash or credit cards, which can get stolen. If the wife comes up missing, just turn on that microchip that was included in the latest implant to find her!

I'm now all settled in my spot.  Umbrellas are up, chairs are set, cooler is strategically set, book is ready, and smartass phone is fully charged.  My first sighting of the day are these three ladies.  They obviously were experienced "beachers", and they already had developed a good tan.  Plus they brought their own air pump!


It didn't take them long before they had all of their floats fully inflated.  I commented to them that I knew who I was gonna call if I needed CPR! 

I was prepping one of my "Ziparitas" for the cup, and they noticed what I had in my hand:

One of the ladies asked "Is that what I think it is?"  I replied, yes ma'm!  Brought my own margarita machine with me.  Freeze them up ahead of time, and use them as ice packs for everything else in the cooler bag.  I just made three new friends!

By now, the beach population had picked up, and the bird watching opportunities were everywhere.  Here are a few samples of the local wildlife that were spotted on this fine day:

This particular specimen comes from the egret family.  Her plumage included a feather pattern that formed a scissor pattern in the middle of her back.  I commented that she must be a hairdresser when she wasn't at the beach.  She replied "well yes I am".  I'm so glad my dark sunglasses were eliminating the glare!


The next sighting was a white chested male Florida pelican.  This particular species  stores food in lower pouch.

One of my friends commented that it kinda looked like me!  Sorry Olivia Capone, I don't have that much body hair.  Too much Cherokee Indian blood in me!

The next sighting was a "spread eagle resting tern".  Or at least that what I thought I was seeing!


One friend commented that species is the crested jailus baitus. Approach with caution. Dark shades recommended.  You be the judge!

The next one was a variety I have never seen at the beach before


Nesting crane maybe?

Here is an older variety:  a yellow crested nest sitter


Sorry for the blurry picture.  This particular bird has to be approached with extreme caution.

Later in the day, Oh lord. A new nesting site sprung up right next to us, three families, with 8 kids. "Did anybody bring sunscreen, nope". "Honey, did you pack any water, nope". "I think she just dropped the mother load"! "Mom, I'm hungry. You just ate before we came out here"! Now, wear did I put those ear plugs......  They brought a couple of skim boards, and the elders of this clan took on the responsibility of showing the younger generation how it is done.  You guessed it, splash!   Head first into the surf!  it was quite the show.  One of their offspring started a little enterprise.  He went diving into 15 feet of water and came up with live sand dollars.  He was trying to sell them for a dollar each.  I reminded him that you are only supposed to take what washes up on shore, but he wasn't buying in on Florida customs.

The day ended with this beautiful sunset

along with a run to the cinnabon store!

Life is good.  Can't wait to see what day five has to offer!

Panama City, day three

Got up early this morning, walked out to the balcony, and spot the Cougar momma and her cub setting their stuff up on the beach.  I look at the clock, dang, its only 8:30!

That's them under the blue umbrella.  She has to have a young stud muffin with her to carry all that beach gear back and forth.  Spousal unit is the one that tagged her as a "cougar".  Ya gotta be one to spot one, ya know!

I loaded up my beach cart and off I went to get a head start.  Spousal unit wouldn't be far behind.  I push the elevator button, and I'm waiting my turn, since there are over 22 floors in the building and 4 elevators.  Finally, the door opens, and there stands this gal in nothing but a string bikini!  For a second there, I thought I was on "Let's make a deal"!  Still not sure what her face looked like, but I could spot that body anywhere!  Next thing I know, the dang door done re-shut, leaving me and my beach cart behind.   Spousal unit comes around the corner, then asks me "what are you grinning about"?  Nuthin, nuthin at all!

We take the elevator down with a young teen. He is already showing signs of early rebellion, displaying a couple of tattoos, and both of his ears were gaged.  We get to the beach floor, and apparently his family was waiting for him to help with the beach wagon that was loaded down.  The sista  had that look, of "where have you been"?  I took a look at her, and just shook my head.  She had a head full of dreads, the closer you looked the nastier the picture became.  I could only imagine what the parents looked like.  Get to the beach, and there they are.  Something like a throwback to the hippie sixties.  You could definitely tell that there had been some inbreeding going on!

It being late in the Beaching season on a Sunday, there are plenty of spots to pick from.  I finally mark my spot next to Cougar and cub.  They were fun yesterday, so why not go for two in a row?
 Before long, here comes the Bachelor party boys.   You could tell that they weren't keeping up their pace from the past few days.  They were having the breakfast of champions, Bud Light at 10:00 a.m.!

The wind was pretty stiff all day, so I waited a bit to open the umbrellas.  The trick here is to have the umbrella as low as possible, to avoid the wind tearing up the umbrella, or sending it flying down the beach.

It was finally Rita time.  I stuck my trusty ole sand spike into the sugary sand, added my new Wyndham cup, and it was time for my slushy treat"


There is just something about a frozen margarita on the beach.  You end up sucking out all the liquid, for a quick little buzz, then you have all those ice crystals left to keep you refreshed, until you get that dreaded brain freeze!

It was quite humorous to keep my eyes on the Cougar & Cub.  Seemed like he had a never ending supply of beer bottles coming out of his handy tote cooler.  Occasionally the Cougar would require the necessary greasing with lotion.  The boy must have gotten bored with his chore, because the next thing you know, he pulls her top down and applies a big squirt of lotion!  She jumps! He dodges a backhand, and I am cracking up!  Not something I would try at home, not if I want to live!

One lady took it upon herself to start feeding the birds.  Before you knew it, the beach was covered in gulls and pigeons.  I stayed tucked under my umbrella, reading my Steve Yarbrough novel, dodging the eventual bird dropping event.  Will people ever learn????

Spent the night cooking a turkey for sammaches for the rest of the week.  Easiest way is to cut off the leg quarters, doctor everything up, and bake that sucker on 250 for about 4-5 hours.  Make sure the temp gets to at least 180 degrees. 

This sucker is just falling apart!

Tried to watch the VMA's but that was a waste of time, between Miley Sorryass's "performance", and the spousal units disappointment in only seeing NStink perform just one song, to the awlful job being done by the hosts, to Jimmy Fallen's epic introduction of Justin Woodtimber!

Turkey finally got done, and I was off to bed.  Woke up this morning to find that God had painted a beginning for a wonderful day:


Life is good ya'll.  Make every day special!

Panama City day two.

Up early this morning.  Don't know what it is, but I have not slept late in over 18 months.  Too much living to do, I guess.

 

Had a visitor from the timeshare folks, his name was "Ace Crank"  Korean momma, and Scottish Daddy and talked like he was from Texas.  Came to see how we liked the place, asking for feedback and all that.  Noticed that this unit didn't have stainless steel appliances in the kitchen.  Kiddingly, he said we should ask for a room exchange.  That was funny, because we did ask for an upgrade from a 1 br deluxe to a 2 br, but no deal. He did come bearing gifts. Brought us these two mugs, some drink coupons and priority seating pass at Margaritaville!  He noticed my Margarita machine and chuckled, "Guess you don't need these seating passes with that bad boy"!  Cool dude, supposed to arrange for us to get a muffin pan and a meat thermometer (forgot mine, for the turkey!

 

 

Got the chicken salad made (chicken, walnuts, green grapes,  and enough mayo to pull it together) two batches of ziparita's (these are margaritas stored in Ziploc bags) in the freezer, and some sausage balls in the oven for an afternoon snack.

 

No sooner do we get to the beach, and we have our first speedo sighting!

 

 

 

This dude later came walking back by in a t-shirt and wearing a lime green fanny pack to one side of the speedo.  The whole beach had noticed and everybody started throwing out one liners.  The guy next to me said "that yeller flag on that pole over there is the "speedo alert system"!

 

To the other side of us, we had a group of girls of color.

 

I think it was the Rolling Stones who recorded the song "Brown Sugar"!

 

They then got into building sand castles:

 

Yes, there were body parts everywhere!

 

Then the flyovers begin: First one said " Prime rib & crab legs buffet at the dog track". Sorry, not my combination!  Kinda like cats at a Chinese restaurant!  Second one was even more entertaining: "Captain Jacks AYCE crablegs. I thought it spelled "Alyce" (my momma's given name, but we just call her Granny) and I went "huh"? Spousal unit informs me AYCE stands fors "all you can eat". Go figure.....  Third flyover was the reminder to "leave no trace" on the beach. That one always reminds me of the Bubba's from Alabama, but that's a whole nuther story.

 

In front of us we had the good ole boys from Colorado and Missouri, here for a bachelor party weekend.  They had the right idea:

A case of beer went in the cooler and it was gone in no time. They started out playing one handed Frisbee game in progress. Drink a beer with one hand, catch and throw with the other. First to drop or spill a beer has to dodge the road traffic and fetch the next 12 pack!  The first set of losers eventually were indeed sent out for the refills.  They then started playing  whiffle ball.  The pitcher got pinged in the middle of his forehead on the first hit!

 

It wasn't long before the sand castle gals got hooked up with the bachelor party boys:

 

The music was blaring, the Hennessey shots were flowing, followed up by Parrot Bay rum!  The guy in the white shorts did not make it to 4:00 before ending up face down in the sand.  He kept going back and forth between these gals and a blonde in a pink bikini.  The Blonde wasn't having any of it.  He finally walked up to the blonde, and said ""hey baby, I'm drunk, you're good looking. Lets go wade in a pee"!  He went, she didn't.  He was followed by some of his buddies.  Then the girls sitting in front of us got in the act, one saying to another "want to go pee"?  Hand in hand, off they went!

By now, I was running my phone off my handy dandy battery backup.  Almost drained it too!

A hefty young dad comes waddling by with his little son in hand.  I noticed his manly tattoo on his arm.  As he got closer, I begin to notice that his stomach was covered in these huge stretch marks! A woman earns her stretch marks through the devotion to the children she gives birth to. A man gets his from his love and devotion to his passion for beer. Same thing? You decide.

Could not wait to post all of this excitement for you.  Got the phone and battery pack charging.  No one knows what this evening will bring!  Stay tuned, be here all week til next Friday!

Life is good :-) 
 

 

Panama City, Day One

Late start today, but what the heck, we are on vacation! Stopped at the Kangaroo for our first Roo stop.  Took 471 to Brandon, and wouldn't you know it, a slow moving freight train.  We detoured back to Hwy 80, and looped through town to turn on the road that goes by the old high school and on to Hwy 18.  I pull up to the stop light, then pause, before beginning my right turn on red.  Out of the corner of my eye, I catch a glimpse of a dump truck hauling more than gravel, and he has just run through the red light.  Thank you Lord, for keeping my foot on the brake pedal the whole time.

Got to Magee and decided to give the Ward burger joint a try.  I haven't had one of their greasy chili burgers since my twenties.  (That was 12:00 noon, that chili burger has done put a whooping on me at 8:00 pm!)  Best fries we have had in a long time.

Second Roo stop was on 98S in New Augusta.  Hey, it was a Kangaroo!  Gravity was the main reason for the stop.  Go into the men's room, and do I get a chuckle!  There on the wall was the highest mounted urinal I have ever seen.  I was scared to even look at the toilet in the next stall, knowing that a lot of short people had come before me!  Thankful that I measured up.

Got to the Niceville exit, and time for another break.  Gassed up, then checked the smartass phone for a Chik-fil-a for an ice cream break.  No luck.  But, there was a Wat-a-Burger joint right down the road, and surely, they had to have some ice cream.  Pull up, and the only thing resembling ice cream was milk shakes, so I ordered a vanilla and a strawberry.  The young man asked for the money, and I said "dang, you mean I have to pay for it?"  The young man said "yes sir, some people try to tell me that they have already paid, with a chuckle".  I said," well you know, we did pass the first window"! 
The spousal unit then asked me to get her a spoon (for a milkshake???)  I politely asked the young man for a spoon for my wife, since she didn't have any teeth!  He said, "yes sir, I understand!  We are still laughing at that one.

We make it to the condo high rise.  The rooms are on the beach side, and the parking garage and check-in are across the street.  There is no way I would come here during the peak seasons of spring break and summer.  I can just see the tempers flaring before ever getting close to the room.

The unit we have is a deluxe one bedroom.  Includes a king, two bunks, and a sleeper sofa.  Plenty of room for a family of six.  Three pools and the beach is less than a 30 yard walk.  Can't wait to see what the tide does to the shoreline come morning.

There is a nice complex with shopping and dining and a Target and a brand new Wallyworld.  All this within 2-3 miles of the complex.

We have AT&T and it took us a while to figure out that our phones were hitting a tower in the Eastern time zone.  Service sucks, and I am having to use an Ethernet cord for internet, no wireless, and the Spousal Unit's AT&T card is slower than a sea turtle dropping eggs!

Panama City Beach, Here I come!

Last beach trip for the summer of 2013.  We leave in the morning for a week in the sun, sand and surf of Panama City.  Took the car in for its 30,000 mile checkup and the doctor says she is just fine.

I got a new phone, a Samsung Galaxy S4 yesterday, and a new battery backup for blogging at the beach.  Hopefully there won't be anymore "dead battery" issues this trip.  It was quite an experience moving all my stuff over to the new phone.  Blue tooth was wonderful, and only took an hour to get it all transferred over.  Sim card had to be activated, and I patted myself on the back for figuring out that one.  I am, however, having a time trying to figure out how to turn off stuff that drains the battery though.

I was in Dick's sporting goods yesterday getting a new bra strap for my sunglasses.  While I was in there looking around, I found a new toy that absolutely had me "intrigued".

This is the "beachcomber wagon" by Max Sports. 
It has four inch tires, and with the double trike wheel on the front, it has got to be made for the sand!

The car will have the rack on the back for hauling all of the beach toys:  two umbrellas, two chairs, beach cart, cup spikes, coolers, etc.  Gotta make sure there is room inside the car for the margarita machine and the spousal unit!

Got some friends coming down to spend part of the week with us.  The woman was scared to death that I was gonna blog her.  Told her to fear not, umbrella company is excluded, unless of course, something exceptional happens, like a swimsuit blowout, then the sky's the limit.  I don't think its gonna get too rowdy, since all of the young'ns are back in school (too bad, so sad!).

I called ahead, and dang it, no grilling.  Already into plan "B":  Boston butt cooked, deboned, and frozen, turkey to be cooked in the oven, spiral sliced ham to be ready for tailgating at the beach for the Ole Miss vs Vandy game on Thursday, and lots of snack goodies in between.

Weather looks to be clear for the week.  Hoping for some fun beach stuff to write about, otherwise I'll be reading the new book by Steve Yarbrough, "the Realm of last chances".  Fancy title.

If you are in the area, stop by, eat some butt and drink a margarita!

Why is it?

I just love to sit back, observe, and watch things happen.  But sometimes you just have to wonder:

Driver flies by in the merge lane, then wants you to let him in.

You sit down at the table at the restaurant, get your food, and the ketchup bottle is empty.

You ask for sweet tea and the server says "I'm sorry, we only have unsweet".  Really, in the south???

You buy a nice shirt, only to find out it is dry clean only.

Why doesn't anyone sit on the first row in the Baptist church?

You get an Icee, start sucking that thing down, then the straw doesn't work of the last third of the cup!

Your favorite credit card works fine everywhere but at Lowes.  Damn thing just won't swipe.

You're drinking a slush, and all of a sudden you get a brain freeze.  Last time I checked the stuff goes into your stomach!

You are driving down the road, and you see somebody pouring a gallon of gas into their tank.  Let's see, the gauge is showing empty, the "need gas" light is on, and your wife is yelling at you "I told you to fill up"!

People drown in the swimming pool because they did not know how to swim.  Really???

The gun accidentally goes off because you didn't realize it was loaded.

Your dog can't stand for you to blow in his face, but he just loves to ride in the car with his head out the window.

You just love it when your dog jumps into your lap and licks all your makeup off, right after he spent five minutes licking his private parts. Really??

Walmart has 30 check out registers but only three cashiers.

You ordered that stuff off of the TV and thought it was actually going to work.  Really?

What's with the salt on a margarita on the rocks?

You ride past a jogger and notice they have the most unhappy expression on their face.

You "like" and "share" that Yeti cooler page on the" GI Associates" facebook page, then wonder, why the colonoscopy doctors are giving away a cooler?

You google an item then notice it is in the advertising column on Facebook. Hummm.

Southern Delicacies

There are some things that are just southern.  You can take them beyond the Mason Dixon Line, but sorry, they are still southern thangs:

Mississippi Cheese Straws:



We took these to a Dirty Santa party out in Oklahoma one year.  The winner was a damn Yankee from New York.  His comment was "what the hell is this, a cracker"?  That feller almost went home empty handed!

  I've got a recipe that Paula Deen put together, with a little extra pepper for added kick, awesome!

RC Cola and a Moon Pie:



Glad that RC Cola is still around.  There is just something about this combination.  Don't drink it with anything else!


Coke and Peanuts:
 Why eat'm  outta the bag, when you can pour them into the bottle!

















Plastic bottles and cans have kinda taken away this ole southern snack combination, but bottle cokes are still out there!

Pralines:

If you ain't making them at home around Christmas time, you don't know what you are missing!  Aunt Sally's are the next best thing.  Talk about a sugar overload!

 

 

Velveeta:

 

This stuff was God's gift to southern tailgating!

 



Put in in a crock, add a can of Rotel Tomaters and a pound of cooked Jimmy Dean hot sausage and you have got yourself the dip of all dips!  Just add some chips!

 

Got a friend girl, Kimmer, who moved out to California, and she had a dickens of a time trying to find a block!  Almost had to ship her some!

 

 

Fried Catfish with all the fixings:

 

If you don't have the time to do it at home, it don't get any better than the "Cock of the Walk" out at the Reservoir!

 

Here you can see one of the reasons I love living where I do.  Three to eight hours to anywhere by car, or just eatin' in my own back yard!

 

Deep Fried Turkey:

 

My Dad picked this tradition up from watching ole Justin Wilson doing it over 20 years ago.

 

 

When that bird hits that hot grease, it seals it up tight, so that the meat is juicy and mighty tasty, especially the skin.  And, when done right, doesn't have a greasy taste at all.  Some folks marinate, others inject the bird with all kinds of stuff. 

 

There is always some idiot that doesn't know what the hell he is doing and he usually has some fancy college degree.  They end up with a big grease fire, or even burning down the house. Allstate even made a commercial about it.  

 

I've given up the grease and gone to smoking my birds, all covered in Tony C on the outside.  All of those seasonings seal up the bird similar to frying, but without the cleanup.

 

Cast iron skillet fried cornbread:

 

Some people believe in the jiffy in a box stuff cornbread.  Sorry, no box for me.  Gotta have cornmeal, egg, buttermilk, seasoning, and bacon grease sizzling in the skillet just before you pour the batter in!

 I have two skillets that are divided into triangles.  Something about having crispy edges all the way around!

 

Sweet Tea:

 

There is just something about an iced cold glass of sweet tea.  Ladies will give up their dessert to have unlimited amounts of it poured into their glass.

I think McAlisters puts two cups of sugar to every gallon of water.  Their unlimited refills in their tall cup is what makes it so good!

 

Grits:

 

Grits are a southern staple that you just won't find up north.  Every breakfast buffet down here has a pot simmering.  I like cheese added to mine.  Not something I particularly care for in the summer time.

Somewhere down here, a chef musta been short on rice or noodles because the  next thang you know, they are serving up a mess of creole shrimp on a bed of grits!  Some even are making grit cakes to make it nice and fancy.  This is one of those southern dishes that will truly make you slap yo momma cause it tastes so good!

 

I could go on and on, but this stuff is starting to make this ole country boy hungry.  And some of your favorites in the comment section, if you like.