Thursday, May 14, 2015

Stupid Thangs, at the Beach

Guess I'm getting the list started early this year.  Far too many stupid beach sightings already :

1. Guys, if you have splotches of back hair, shave or wax them before going to the beach.  So uncool!

2.  Wear sun screen.  Too many peeps getting sunburned.

3.  If you're  eighty and trying to get in the water by yourself, bring a walker.  Watching you eat that surf sand three times was painful.  He even refused assistance.


4.  If you must bring beer, make sure to bring cans or plastic bottles.  It's ticket time already here in Destin.

5.  If you want to make your buddy look stupid, make him leap for the paddle ball or dive for the frisbee.  These are indeed funny to watch.  One year a brother jumped high in the air for a football.  His pants hit the sand before he did!

6. When you wade out in the water, make sure you are at least waist deep or wait for the wave.  Otherwise everybody knows your business, which will clear the water faster than yelling :shark "!

7. Bring you some of those ZZTOP cheap sunglasses for wave action.  Already hear it "OMG! Where did my $500 designer shades go??!!"

8.  Feed the birds, and somebody is gonna get bombed!  This time it was the feeder, right square in his forehead while looking up!

9.Take your kid to the shower to rinse the sand off..  Uncool to strip and rinse beach side.  Are you kidding me........

10.  If the elastic or spandex in your suit is shot, sorry babe time for a new one.  Hit the end of season sales for a couple.  Always good to have a spare!

Forgetfulness

I'm  getting ever so close to that milestone in life called 60.  Got cousins that are already there.  Got lots of friends that have hit this milestone too.  Some of us in this category have something in common:  we all have developed a case of "sometimer's disease.

This particular disease kicks in at the most awkward of times.  You are ready, you are set, and you're all about go, but then you can't  remember!

Down here in Destin Florida for a week and you would think it would be carefree and relaxation to the max!  Not so my friends!

I got ready to go out for the day, could not find my room key, had to get another one.  Another trip out the door and I could not find my favorite hat, it was under a pillow on the couch.  In conversation yesterday, I could not remember the name of an favorite restaurant.

Yesterday I walked out front of the condo, looked forward, and WTH???, where did I park?,  oh yeah, over on the side lot because the front lot was full.   This morning, I had those weird feelings come over me,  forgot to take my magic pills yesterday!

I've  caught myself a time or two in restrooms having to feel around and find nothing.  Dang it! Got my drawers on backwards again.  It used to be easier when they put the size tag on the back.  No problem this week, ain't wearing any.  Nothing but swim suits for me all week and commando when its restaurant time!

And wouldn't you know it, i forgot to put my phone on the charger.. But hey, maybe it will also kick in on Saturday and i'll forget its time to go home!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Margarita Cure All

With it being Mother's Day Sunday, the spousal unit took advantage of the day and slept in without being disturbed.  Okay, I can handle this for one day a year.  By the time she was up and moving, I had already prepared our lunch sammaches and loaded the cooler bag with drinks and margaritas.

We arrived at the beach and the first view of the water is always breathtaking, and today was no exception.  With beach cart in hand, loaded down with umbrellas, chairs, anchors and cup spikes, I reached the sand in no time.  Once on the sand it was drag it time.

As I approached the water's edge, I noticed the chair rentals were closer to the water than they had been in past visits.  Since our arrival was later in the day, most of the spots had already been claimed.  I like a little space so I worked my way down the shore line, weaving in and out of the Beachers like driving through an obstacle course.  Finally "Land ho!"

I grabbed one of my umbrella anchors and began the process of boring it into the sand.  Then I here somebody say "hey buddy, I hate to be that guy, but I just spent a bunch of money for this view and I don't want to be looking at the backside of your head".  What the hell???

A short "discussion" began, me, then my new "friend".  I quickly decided that since this was Mother's Day, I would turn compromise and turn on some of my southern charm.  I moved over ten feet.  He continued his version of "I really hate to be that guy".  I replied "everything is fine, now just go back to your book".

He kept on with his banter. "Man, I'm like you, brought my own umbrella and chairs.  I talked to the chair rental guy about spots and he said if I wanted close to the water I needed to rent from him."  I chuckled on that one.

It was now more obvious he was pissed  at his own situation.  I reached into my cooler bag and grabbed one of my Ziparitas and walked over.  I said "man, everything is cool, just go back to reading your book, and here is a margarita for you wife".  A little more conversation, and then the look on his face was priceless.   Other beach goers had just "moved in" to the spot I had vacated!   Holding the laughter in just about killed me!

Couple of hours later the dude hollers out to me "hey buddy!  This margarita is awesome!"  Me and my Ziparitas had just made a new friend.

As they were packing up they both came over to say goodbye.   He was an Auburn guy married to a Bamer fan.  I told him "I guess you learned a lesson today,  never ask the chair rental guy about spots on the beach!"  He said " yeah, that was a $70 mistake.   It's a shame that we are leaving tomorrow because  we sure enjoyed that frozen margarita! "

The power of the Ziparita!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

Mom

Everybody has one.  They are all special.  Who else would hold something in for nine months, gain a bunch of weight, gain a stretch mark or two, then do all the diaper changing, nose wiping, carpooling, and be your best friend.  Yep, that would be my mom!

She has had quite a few nicknames come her way.  Most of those names stuck around for a few years, but, the latest one has stuck with her the longest.  This woman is so grand, no other name would do except for Granny!

She has always been there.  Visits to Boy Scout parents night  in the middle of the week at Camp Tallaha, a visit to see me at MSU when I most needed it most.  So thankful for all those single parent vacation trips, even if some were only for a day.  She even found me a date for senior prom when I had all but written it off.

She asked me to take her to see all of Brother Jim's high school football games.  We saw each and every game, all the way through the championship win!

Church needed unleavened bread for communion, Granny was your "go to gal"!

Need some family or town gossip, yep, head straight to Granny!

Thank you Granny, the woman who is the capital   M  O M  !

Friday, May 8, 2015

Used To Be's in the Delta

Guess I've reached that milestone in life where you begin to reflect on years past.  Don't tell my mom because she'll think I'm waiting for the latest list of who's who in the obituary column.  Not me, don't want to find my name on that list!

I'm  a member of a Facebook group, "Remember Growing Up In Belzoni".  Everybody has such fond memories from that town.  I spent the tender years of my early teens there.  Riding bikes to where you needed to go, scouting with Mr. Howell and Mr. Lister, baseball being the major summer thing, and winter treks in the snow to the Indian Mound for a day of sledding.

Heart of the Delta
Reflections of days past in Belzoni have gone full circle.  The town's slogan was and is that it is "The Heart of the Delta".  Years ago, as you would approach the town from either direction on Hwy 49, you would see in the distance the sign, on tall poles that crossed the highway at the Jackson Street intersection.  Mr. Lister worked for MP&L and he was the pole climber that replaced the blown bulbs.  Eventually MDOT had the sign moved to the side of the road, and over time it came into disrepair  and torn down.  The Facebook group is working on the idea of bringing back the sign on the roadside for my generation  to enjoy, but also as a reminder to future generations of what used to be.  I hope they succeed!

Catfishing
In the South, cotton was certainly king.  In the 1970's it began to lose its luster.  A few innovators in Humphreys County came up with the idea of taking marginal crop land and turning it into ponds for the purpose of raising catfish.  The idea caught on, and Humphreys County became known as the "Catfish Capital of the World".  Catfish farming led to feed plants and processing plants.  They even developed an annual event, the Catfish Festival, that is held each spring.

During trips back to the Delta, you knew where you were by a mere glance at the roadside.  Soybean fields had been replaced the fish ponds.  Occasionally,  late at night you could see the glow of the spotlight, where a worker was checking the oxygen levels in the water.

Eventually this industry hit it's peak then gradually began to decline.  Along with cheap foreign imports, the costs of production took its toll on the industry.  The ponds that once we're full of activity were abandoned.  Some of the ponds have been repurposed back into soybean fields now that crop prices have risen.  On a recent ride through the Delta, I noticed crews are in some places removing the levees that were built to hold the water.

Small Town USA
As young people in the Delta grew into adulthood, most followed their dreams and moved on to larger cities and even out of state.  What they left behind and reminisce about now is almost gone.

These towns thrived on mom and pop businesses.  Each had several drug stores, small grocery stores referred to as "Chinamen Stores", clothing stores, hardware stores, and even variety stores like the Ben Franklin five and dime.

Back in the day, very few of these towns were open for business on Sunday, in honor of the "blue laws " of the time that limited what could be sold on that sacred day.  Some communities even had a tradition of closing the stores each Wednesday afternoon so that the shopkeepers could have time to take.care of personal business.

The lifeline in these towns was the rail line that typically cut through the center of town.  Every kid in town owned a penny or two that had been flattened by a passing rail car.   I spent many an afternoon climbing the piles of lime that were delivered by rail in Inverness.

Four Lane Highways 
All of these Delta towns were connected by a system of two lane highways.  Eventually, in its infinite wisdom, the State of Mississippi began a construction project to replace and expand these two lane paths into four lane divided highways.  To achieve this, the project would have to "bypass" the town centers of these communities.  The daily traffic of cars and trucks were to no longer be slowed down by the one traffic light in town.   This and the increasing prices on fuel was the beginning of the end to mom and pop gas stations where you got full service treatment at the pump, along with oil changes and new tires for the car.

The People
Probably the biggest thing one misses from the Delta are it's people.

On road trips through the Delta you knew you were "home" simply by passing an oncoming car on the two lane roads.  A simple wave of the hand meant you had arrived.  My wife once asked me "who was that?"  I would just grin and reply with one word, "Home"!

Conversations were not merely a "hello" or "goodbye ".  Chats would go on for minutes at a time.  How's your "mommanem"?  How much rain did you get?  Wonder who will be having babies after that last power outage?  And on and on it goes.....

They say all this goes away through progress.  Maybe it's time to implement a little de-gress.  Start with that little hand jesture.  I'm all in, what about you?

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Common Sense, By Me

There are lots of books out there that can tell you what to do, how to do it, and when.  Some people follow the rules of etiquette, but then there are those that don't know when it's time to come out of the rains.

For those that don't read books, much less follow the rules, there are Bill's rules of common sense:

1.  If you purchase a truck, get ready for that knock, knock on the door.  "Hey buddy, ole pal, can I borrow your and/or your truck?"

2.  If you are going to poot in the car with your spousal unit riding with you, you might as well get your money's worth out of it.  Lock the windows and turn on the heater.  She is gonna get mad at you anyway, might as well have a little fun with it!

3.  The book says never wear white shoes before Easter.  Switch to flip flops.  I get ten months out of the year with them!

4.  If your son is gonna have a girl friend in college, be sure that you read the riot act to him before he gets to campus.  Under no circumstances to you ever cosign a student loan document for a girlfriend, not even if she has your boy's promise ring!

5.  When you see that guy coming that is a know it all about everything and you don't feel like talking to him, go into possum mode.  Your eyeballs probably need the rest anyway.

6.  When you are having a party for an honoree(s), go ahead and distract those guests that are always first in line with something to do.  This will allow you to feed the honorees first.
.
7.  If you drive the Natchez Trace with any frequency, what out for a white Kia.  Trying to pass it in a curve, with on coming traffic in eye sight is gonna make your blood pressure go up.  I promise!

8.   If you buy a grill at Home Depot, make sure to give it the parking lot test before you leave.  Roll it through the roughest section of the parking lot to find out if it has any loose screws, nuts, or bolts.  These grills are assembled at the store and the workers are paid by the item.  The more they assemble, the more they get paid. 

9.  If you have stuff you are going to throw away, don't take it to the dump.  Put it on the street for the drive by guy before the garbage truck guy comes.  One or the other will take it off your hands.

10. Caution.  If your spousal unit gets one of those water fountains, get ready.  Sitting outside, and listening to that thing will eventually give you the urge to pee!

11.  When buying a condo for your children to live in at college, have them sign a binding rental agreement for $1.  This will give you the signature of agreement when it come to pets and live in girl friends when its time to evict the pet or pets.

12.  When cleaning out the dryer, have one of those handy grabber sticks nearby.  You never know what will come out of the dryer when son's girl friend used it last!

13.  When driving to a new destination, do not depend on the spousal unit to tell you to turn.  Use a GPS, now found in your smartass phone.  The GPS has saved our marriage, time and time again!

14.  If you children never seem to have time to was their car, volunteer to do it for them.  Wash it in striped patterns, or play tic-tac-toe on the hood, roof, and trunk.  Leave the rest for them.  Gotten a lot of laughs on this one.

15.  When on vacation, be the first in the shower.  You will always have hot water and plenty of towels!

16.  When out to diner and your kids bring along a friend, watch out for the ones that go for the most expensive item on the menu.  When viewing the menu, remind your young guests that they can pick anything on the menu within a dollar limit, especially if you are the one paying for it.

17.  When your children are driving you, and you are on the interstate, and you need to pee, don't tell them "the next exit".  Make sure there is more than one gas station on the blue sign, and it is within sight of the highway exit.  Those "off the road" station restrooms are outside, one seaters, and OMG!  Just ask my spousal unit!

18.  When approaching a major intersection and turning right, using the merge lane, continue moving forward, then gradually "merge" left into traffic.  Its called a "merge" lane, not a "stop, look, and listen" lane for God's sake!

19.  When picking out a washer and dryer, stick with the ones with knobs and buttons.  a Repairman friend of mine had to remind me one time : "not Bill, you're a smart guy.  Haven't you learned by not that moisture and lint and electronics don't mix!"

20.  Don't take social media so seriously.  How many times do we have to read "I can't believe that they defriended me"!

Might have to make a series of these, whatcha think???

Sunday, May 3, 2015

The Power of a Frat Boy

Got a cousin on the spousal unit side of the family that is a freshman in college.  The man of her dreams is also a freshmen, but he goes to a different college.  This separation by distance has pulled them closer together far more than you can imagine.

The boy friend suffered a brain bleed over spring break.   This kid's road to recovery has thus far been amazing.  The cousin has been right there with him physically, but most importantly, spiritually, along with her supportive family.  He is now over in Georgia at a specialty physical therapy facility that specializes in his type of recovery  needs.

I have only met this kid a couple of times.  I can typically figure out a person in just a few minutes of conversation and watching  body language.   I immediately recognized that this kid was a winner.  God is testing him right now, but I feel in my heart that this boy will overcome this obstacle and become even a stronger young man, just you wait and see.

I was working on one of my cooler box projects, and I immediately knew where it was going.  The medical bills for this kid are off the charts.  I've  donated coolers before for silent auction.fund raisers.  The results have always been disappointing.   This time the results have to be different.

I suggested that the cooler box be raffled off.  100 tickets at $5 would bring in a nice tidy sum of $500.  This would be more that triple the usual amount raised.  But how???

Leave it up to the girl friend!  She contacted the Fraternity that her boyfriend was a member of.  The challenge was accepted by one of these "Frat Boys".  In a days he put together the raffle, spread the word by mouth and social media.   All this was done in a week, with the winner's name being drawn on Saturday.

The results were unbelievable!   The number of tickets sold were more that double my original estimate.  What was mouth dropping was the response from the donors.  Money was donated over and above the price of the raffle ticket, more than doubling the proceeds!  Wow!  God had to have had a hand in this, no doubt in my mind!

You never know where you faith will take you like my cousin's faith and love for this young man, and the friendship bond between fraternity brother.  I now have a new found respect for a group of young men that I have not yet met.

Never underestimate the power of a "Frat Boy".  These fellas are "Ole Miss"!