Cooking Disasters

With the Halloween season now over and the Thanksgiving season now upon us, thoughts of all the holiday cooking comes to mind. I thought I would share some of my favorite cooking disasters with you,  They are not all necessarily related to Thanksgiving, but I am thankful that they didn't happen to me!

Turkey:

Got a neighbor that picked up an old electric smoker.  He wanted to cook a turkey on it, but didn't know where to start.  I told him to soak his wood chips for a couple of hours.  Also told him to pat down the bird with olive oil, and coat the skin with his favorite spices and herbs.

A few hours later, I walk outside to see that the smoking was well on its way.  The neighbor had set up the smoker in his driveway.  There was so much smoke coming out of that smoker, I had to go check it out.  I asked him how much wood chips did he put into the smoker.  Answer: "I filled it up"!  I went to lift the lid, Oh Lord!  That turkey was literally black from all the smoke coming out of that smoker!

I lifted the smoker off the burner, and sure enough, the pan was full of mesquite chunks.  Using some tongs, I pulled out as much as I could.  Told the neighbor to let it go for a few hours, and to check the meat temperature to around 180 degrees.

Later in the day, I could tell that the cooking process must be complete, because no more smoke was coming out of the smoker.  Neighbor came out and yelled "did you know that there was a turkey neck up in that thing?"  I immediately think, OMG!  I ask "what about the gab of innards"?  Reply:  "bag of what?"  This guy is killing me.....

We go into the kitchen to inspect the bird.  The skin has constricted tightly all over the bird from the hours of smoke.  I take a kitchen knife and open up the neck area, and sure enough, there is a well done bag of turkey innards!

Learned my lesson.  When someone asks how to cook something, I now start at ground Zero!

Ice Cream:

One Fourth of July, the neighbor with the pool decided he was gonna cook for the neighborhood.  He had the pool, so the rest of us were always bringing the food.  The menu was pork loin with navy beans, watermelon, and homemade ice cream.

The beans and pork were awesome.  We couldn't wait for dessert!  Cut the watermelon, only to discover that it was over ripe.  No biggie, the ice cream was almost ready.  The flavor of the day was butter pecan.  My initial thought was dude, start with vanilla! 

The motor finally stalled.  The anticipation was building.  The first scoops went to the young ladies in the crowd.  They each took a bite, and they all had the weirdest looks on their faces.  A couple more bites were all they could take.  The adults took a nibble, only to discover that the ice cream was full of salt!  What the hell????

The first item of suspect was the pecans that he put into the mixer.  Nope, they were unsalted.  We then examined the mixer.  To our surprise the neighbor had plugged up the drain hole, since he didn't want salt water draining into his sink.  You gotta be kidding me!  The salt that was added to the mixer eventually melted the ice, creating salt water, which worked its way into the cream bucket.  Never in my years have I ever had this happen!

Always remember to check the ice to salt ratio, and make sure the drain plug ain't stopped up!

Stuffed Bell Peppers:

Young Son decided he wanted to cook for the family. He decided on a five cheese macaroni casserole and stuffed bell peppers.  That night, I went to the store and got all of the ingredients.  I asked Young Son if he wanted to go ahead and do all the food prep that night and just put the pans in the oven in the morning.  Young Son said, no, that he wanted to do it all fresh.  I asked again, response:  Dad, "its just a recipe".

Next day, Young Son got busy in the kitchen.  He was very organized.  Mom came in to help. but Young Son said "no thanks Mom, its just a recipe".

I must say, it sure looked impressive.  The mac and cheese looked absolutely delicious.  The five cheeses did not disappoint the taste buds.  I get to the stuffed bell pepper, and it was cooked to perfection.  After a few bites, I notice that there is a whole lot of rice in every bite, but very little of the other ingredients.  I ask, "son, you sure you got this right?"  "Yes, Dad, I followed the instructions" was his reply.

On further inspection of the recipe, it did ask for one cup of rice.  One cup of COOKED rice.  Whoops!

 The meal was enjoyed by all.  Young Son took the ribbing really well, considering "it was just a recipe"!