Sunday, September 28, 2014

Game Day Oxford, Damn Rookies!

This ole blog of mine is a view of life through my eyes.  What I see and hear on any given day will eventually make it to here.  Some days are slower than others,  but not yesterday's football Saturday in Oxford.  Here are some of the sightings:

1.  Everybody that walks by the Popo tent with an exposed package of beer will be popping the tops and pouring the contents down the drain.  Its a given, see it every game day.  But, if you are going to bring a rolling cooler, with a lock, be sure that the top is gonna stay on it when you hit a bump.  Having the contents spill out right in front of the Popo is a sure fire way to ruin the rest of your day!

2.  When arriving to set up your tailgate, be smart enough to bring the right containers and equipment.  You can buy yourself a copy cat little red collapsible wagon to carry your stuff.  Breakables should be wrapped properly to avoid breakage.  Your crab, shrimp, and artichoke dips should be in spill proof containers.  You are not gonna be happy when that big ole plastic tub without a lid is dropped in the middle of the road, contents spilling out everywhere and your favorite piece of McCarty is now in 30 pieces!

3.  When you bring your little man cub to the game without your spousal unit, expect the unexpected.  When he gets a bobo on his finger and sees a little drop of blood, his is gonna cry.  Putting said finger in your mouth ain't gonna do the trick.  Glad I was able to remind you about Band-Aids at the first aid station and the snow cone to cure those tears.  Lesson learned to you!

4.  If you plan to party hardy, have several airplane barf bags handy.  Having two of your former best friends walk you to the car three hours before kickoff is not cool.  Projectile vomiting in front of the PoPo is even worse!  And no, the bicycle taxi guy is not going to take you anywhere at the risk of more spillage!

5.  Hey Memphis off duty cops, that badge in your back pocket is not going to give you a free pass on the open container ordinances on this campus.  You will pour it out or you will get a free ride to the local pokey courtesy of our friend Glenn and his other copsters!

6.  If you are going to wear that short dress to the game, do not take the lead walking up the stairs.  That gets very distracting to the folks like me that sit on the end of the row!

7.  As you are leaving the area on a golf cart it is not a good idea to pull your little blue wagon behind.  Those curves and turns are funny to me and my crew, but not to the passersby you almost wipe out!

8.  When hiring these kids to work in the concession stand, make sure they can add up the cost of six items in their head.  Waiting in line with 30 other people while they pull out their calculator is a littler irritating.

9.  To the two dudes sitting behind me.  Keep your ignorance of the game of football to yourselves.  Yelling B.S. at the referees from 30 rows up, then hearing the ruling explained, then say, "oh, my bad" all game gets old after the first quarter.  I'm gonna bring my own flag with me next game and penalize you for being stupid.  No wonder you only bring man dates to the game!

10.  To the makers of all these red and blue game day dresses.  Could y'all get together and pick several kinds of material to use.  They are all beginning to look like uniforms!

11.  Ladies, do like my friends Emily and Janice.  They bring a minimum of four outfits and three pairs of shoes to each game.  You must be prepared for hot, cold, wet, and muggy weather.  Walking back after the game barefoot is not how your momma taught you!

12.  For all you Rebellion fans, have your spousal unit or date double check your tickets before leaving the house.  Ross Bjork announced in his three things to remember that you must bring the bar code portion of your ticket with you in order to be able to enter the game.  Having the date, section, row, and seat number is not enough information to be allowed into the stadium.  The attendant has to have that bar code in order to scan your ticket for you to get in.  They ain't paperless yet, and explaining to your spouse why she can't shake her fanny like a cheerleader wantabe today is not gonna be good for your health!

13. And where the hell is Elvis?  Dude! You have missed two home games already!

14.  To the concessionaires.  The $8 refillable cup is a great idea.  But, remember to rotate the color of the cup each week.  People like my friend Hart will bring last week's cup for free drinks all season.

15.  To the CSpire crew sitting in front of me.  Nice chatting with you about the fails of two weeks of beta testing the wireless network.  I was glad to give you feedback other than its a P.O.S.  Don't think two weeks of beta testing are gonna cut it.  Those that tried it said it sucked and there is no way they are going to pay $5 next week to use it.  Your CSpire customers will be happy because they will be the only ones on it!

Next weekend the spousal unit and I are splitting up.  She'll be in Oxford and I'm headed to Starkville.  I don't think the Rebellion is ready to be "Roll Tided" after last nights performance against Memphis.  And the kicker getting tossed for fighting????  He is the kick safety valve for God's sake!!!

Saturday, September 27, 2014


Got a wild hair and decided to spend a birthday weekend night in the spousal unit's piece of heaven, Oxford.  Spent some time on the pc last weekend and found us a room at the Hampton on hwy 7.  Surprise number one, rooms were available.  Surprise number two, no two night minimum.  Surprise number three, nightly rate was $329.  Luckily we had enough reward points for a freebe!

Now, where does a big ole boy like me go to eat in a town full of rebellion alumni on a football weekend.  City Grocery and Ajax have been on the eatery list for quite some time.  City Grocery's reservation list was booked up for Friday and Saturday night.  Surprise number four, I got a spot for lunch.  Tailgating buddies will have to get it started without me.  Hopefully busting those beer case toters will wait till my arrival.  I get such a kick outta watching those poor souls have to pour that liquid gold on the ground.

Had a close call checking in the hotel.  The clerk couldn't find our paperwork.  My heart done skipped a beat or two.  Fear not, it was on the bottom.  I asked that since it was my birthday weekend they had reserved my the presidential suite.  The clerk said IF they had one it would be all mine! They loaded us up with bottled water, cokes, and a snack or two, prizes for being gold members!

The spousal unit requested a stop at her favorite shopping hole, Rebel Rags.  Weird name, ain't no rags in the place, nothing but a sea of red and blue. After a quick walk through, I took my seat outside to observe the bird watching opportunities.  This town does not disappoint.  Blondes from 16 to 62 came and went, all exiting with a bag with something they could not do without.  I just love seeing these older women sporting hair styles and clothing attire more befitting the younger generation.  Then I see the younger ones, wearing it as short and tight as it will fit.  No wonder the high school boys lose their hearts to this place so quickly!

Spousal unit spent over 30 minutes in there and came out with nothing.  I mentioned that they had one of those round tailgating tables in there.  Off she went, back into that sea of red and blue.  A few minutes later she pops out with a table and a tshirt.  Is magical how that happens!

Shopping done, it was time to head to the square.  As we made our way, I noticed that most of the parking lots, including the church lots, we're blocked off, all reserved for those that had paid for football season parking.  Even the churches are squeezing the alumni on parking, just like the TN university! A few weeks ago the city decided to get in on the act by putting in parking meters throughout the square.  Knowing that we would be there longer than an hour, I found a freebee by a church.  As we walked you could see the meters just a flashing their green signal that it was time for another dollar or a ticket, which ever came first!

We made our way around the Square, making note were the hot spots were located.  Bars and restaurants are in the same spots,  but the names keep changing.  Found Ajax, in we went.  Young friend of ours,  Ryan, was working in the kitchen,  and we were able to say hello.  If you want comfort food, this is the place!

Decided to walk off our meal with a walk around to take in some more sites.  We begin to cross the street when we hear a male voice yell "LANelle!"  Friends Becky and David Jordan were up on the balcony at Roosters.  Time for a beer and catch up on life!

The balcony is a great spot to take in the town.  It's not like NOLA with beads and bare beasts being flashed.  You see and speak to old friends of years past, you flirt with the waitress that just started the job today, and you make and listen to the commentary regarding  those passing by below.  Trust me, the women are as bad as us men on the play by play and they point out things the guys don't need to miss!

Glad we are early.  Everybody else was hanging out, drinking, waiting for their text message that their table was ready.  Can't imagine the lines on a big SEC weekend, it's just Memphis this go round.

Time to get ready for my much anticipated lunch at City Grocery, then off to tailgate with my rebellion friends.  Ain't nothing like a football weekend up here in Oxford, in spite of the sea of red and blue!

It's a fact, they never lose a party up here!

Friday, September 19, 2014

I Want to be like Barbie

Last night I joined the spousal unit and ventured into the world of Barbie Bassett wantabes by attending one of their group "join us" meetings.  The attendees were encouraged to bring their spouses so that they could hear her story from her husband's perspective.

The company is Rodan and Fields, and the product focus is skin care products sold and promoted through direct marketing.  Barbie is the top dog for our area and she recently retired from her meteorologist position with a local TV station to promote this business full time.

Before things got started, all the buzz was about Barbie's successes with Rodan and Fields.  She is a mother of three, she home schools her children, she now does this full time, she drives a company Lexis, she's making a million dollars, and now her husband has retired to join her full time.  Hum,  OK........

The meeting got started, and Barbie went into her spill.  She was approached about Rodan and Fields early in the kickoff of their direct selling strategy.  She is a pubic figure in the Mississippi market, good game plan.

I've heard it all before.  Sell to your circle around you.  First, to family, then to friends and neighbors, then branch out just a bit to expand your network.  Sell these folks on the business model that it can work for them, and before you know it, you have your own Rodan and Fields network!

Sounds fine.  You buy in.  Small investment of money, big investment of your time.  No inventory to stock, everything is ordered online.  Bring on the Lexis!  Look out family, neighbors, and friends, here I come!

When Barbie finished her presentation, she introduced her husband, who presented his story from a spousal unit's perspective.  OK, I'm all in!

From his point of view, OK, Barbie, give this a shot.  She wanted this, and she was willing to put in the effort to make a go of it, along with being a mother of three, home schooling them, TV job, author, and public speaker.  He quickly discovered that this new venture was pulling his wife away from family time and couple time.  Whoa!  She was now spending a considerable amount of time away from home.  He would have to pick up the slack on the home front.  Whoops!  He didn't plan on that, back up, time to organize the family calendar so he could grasp what this was going to cost him!  Sound familiar????

Well,  Barbie, being a public figure, has the right kind of circle that can make this work.  She has put in the time that it takes to make it work.  She is making a good living, and she is driving that Lexis.   Good for her!

Now,  step back, analyze this.  Barbie is successful at this because she put in the time and effort to make it work.  It cut into family time.  It cut into husband time.  The Lexis, its a car allowance, and her name is on the lease for it for three years.  She is not making a million dollars.  She has joined the million dollar sales team.  Her cut, commission wise is 15 to 30 percent.  A rough estimate would be $250,000 to $300,000 a year, after investing three  years of her time.  The husband did not retire, he cut his full time work back to two days a week.  Why?  He loves what he does, plus, most likely, he is still working to provide his family medical coverage through his employer.

OK, time to step back in closer.  Products are great, but at a higher cost.  Why?  Highest quality without a prescription.  And, somebody has to pay all those levels of commission to all the lucky folks that are above you in the foods chain.  Heard  it before, hearing it again.

So, if you want to be like Barbie, more power to you.  Just remember, it ain't easy, its gonna take a major commitment of your time, so either go all in or not at all. This applies to all of these direct selling opportunities that are out there today.  Worse case, you make enough to cover the cost of the product you use.

 Is it worth the time and effort?  Time will tell...

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Post Game Day Notes-Oxford

You've gotta love game day on any campus, but especially in the south.  Here are a few takeaways from yesterday's visit to Oxford:

1.  Al Gore was a little off on his global warming.  When in Oxford in September, pack additional clothing:  Shorts and t-shirts, rain gear, boots of all kinds, and now cold weather gear.  With the wind, it was COLD!

2.  Regardless of your color choice for your top, your bottoms on game day must be white!  Navy Blue was the color for the day, along with a sea of white britches!

3.  Have your female companion pack some small cups for the stadium.  Then buy one "bottomless drink" for $8 and share.  Get free refills during the game.  Do like my friend Hart, after the third home game, bring along all of the bottomless drink cup colors for free refills the rest of the season!

4.  Do not argue with the Popo about having to pour out your twelve pack of beer mini-cans.  They have bracelets, one size fits all....

5.  Do not let your drunk date walk in the street after the game.  doing drum beats on passing cars is a definite No No!

6.  Enjoy the game.  But, keep your sideline reporting to yourself, or at least in a soft tone during the whole game.  Your stadium neighbor will appreciate it.

7.  Don't yell at Bo Wallace for a bad pass when he is on the sideline and a sub is in the game.  Either memorize the uniform numbers or buy yourself a damn program.  Armchair quarterbacks, geeze!!

8.  Nike, Adidas, and Reebok need to come out with some game day sneaker heels.  Too many coeds are breaking heels, twisting ankles or walking barefoot after showing up in 3 inch pencil heeled shoes!

9.  Want to confuse occasional visitors to campus?  Install not one or two, but three "round abouts" on Old Taylor Road.  Sit and watch the cars go round and round......

10.  Elvis,  where in the hell were you????  Missed your sweet voice big guy!

Game Day in Rebel Land

Early start today with a road trip to Oxford to see the Spousal Unit's Rebels play.  Kinda funny, we've made two trips to Starkville already and its like dragging a sack of taters outa the bed.  Today, the Spousal Unit is up bright and early at 5:00 a.m.  Guess I need to change her calendar for the next Bully game to make her think we are headed to Oxford!

We had the car smelling some kinda fine as we pulled out of the driveway.  We had pork butt all foiled up, fresh off the fire, smoking spicy sausage cheese balls, and the aroma of the Spousal Unit's fancy hot ham and cheese fancy sammaches filling the air.  Had to make a quick stop at Kroger for the ice and slider buns before hitting the highway.

As I was making my way back to the car in the parking lot, I heard this older fella say "are you ready"?  Since I was wearing red and blue (payback for some cowbell fun last weekend) I'm guessing he thought I was one of his fellow Rebel Fans.  Rather than give him the customary "Hell Yeah" reply, my quick bulldog wit came up with "yep, car is packed and ready to roll, just needed a bag of ice"!  I thought I'd thrown him for a loop with that one.  Nope, he worked his way over to the car.

From just one look, I could tell he has been to his fair share of Rebel football games.  He was extremely proud of his straw hat, which was covered in buttons that you just don't see every day.  Some were quite faded, but you could tell that each had quite a few stories to tell.  Some dated back to the sixties, and of course one of the oldest said "Go to Hell LSU"!

 He was one of those die hard Ole Miss Fans that never attended the first class on the campus in Oxford.  Being from south Mississippi, his Daddy sent him to Southern Miss, or as he called it "Hardy Street Elementary"!  He has a canvas banner that says "Go to Hell LSU" that he puts up in his car window.  He gets the biggest kick out of young LSU coeds that shoot him the finger as they pass him in the highway.  My kinda football fan!

Had the strangest sighting as we began the trek east on Highway 6.  As we passes the Marathon gas station on the right, we noticed that the Rebel Trailer that sells all the Rebel goods was not in the parking lot.  I cannot remember ever driving by and not seeing that red trailer, up front and center!

We make it to Oxford, and I took the Old Taylor Road exit.  You would think that you were in another country.  They have added one of those loopty loop round-a-bouts on both sides of Highway 6.  That's in addition to the one you ride through on the edge of campus.  It almost felt like a carnival ride!

I pulled up to the edge of the grove to unload all the goodies for the day, and when I opened the door, the rush of cold air hits me!  Its freaking 61 degrees!  I was wearing my flippers for God's sake!  Fortunately I had packed some socks and shoes for the walk to the stadiums.

I like to get set up early so that I can enjoy the sights of the day.  To my surprise, there was only one poor fellow to get busted for toting a multipack of beer.  This guy had the misfortune to get busted with a multipack of 8 oz cans of Coors Light.  What male buys 8 oz cans????

 On this day, the designated color was navy blue.  I swear, I have never seen so many women wearing the same color dress, in all the designer styles!  So many of them were short and sheer.  I had a mental picture of all of them taking their seat on those cold metal bleachers, all at the same time, and coming up with a new Ole Miss cheer "ooooh that's COLD"!

I made my trademark sugar cookies that are cut out in the shape o the State of Mississippi.  Since today was designated navy blue day, I iced them in navy royal icing.  It took three bottles of food coloring to get the desired deep blue color.  I was cracking up each time someone took a bite of these cookies.  Every time they would smile or begin  to talk, all you could see was blue teeth and blue tongues!  Probably be seeing something else blue tomorrow!

Ole Miss and CSpire teamed up to provide game day wifi access at the stadium and today was the first day of beta testing.  I brought my Nexis tablet to do a little beta testing myself.  I took a selfie and one of the spousal unit shaking her "thang one" red pom pom.  It took about five minutes for each of them to upload through Facebook.

The beta test went ok until the second quarter.  I think that it either got overloaded or the powers that be just disconnected it.  Never could get connected after that!  They got a long way to go if they think non-CSpire users are gonna pay $5 for that.  They have one more game of testing before it goes live.

As the first half was coming to a close, four women took a seat on the row in front of us.  I mention to one of them that they must be Mom's of freshmen on the  Rebelette cheer squad.  They looked at me and said "why yes, we are.  how can you tell??"  I've been sitting in these seats for quite a few years, and believe me, you can just tell!

Game over, and the exodus from the stadium begins.  The freshmen coeds have a long way to go to keep up with the upper classmen.  They were the ones walking bare footed, with a drink in one hand, and their three inch heels in the other!

As the Grove began to clear out, and the packup crews began to arrive to dismantle things, it was time for us to pack up for the hike to the parking lot.  My friend Kyle, in from Kansas, had rented a house for the weekend.  His buddies had cancelled out on him at the last minute.  Before we left the tailgate for the game, he had no takers for the other bedrooms.  By the time we are packing up, Kyle had four female house guest in tow.  Atta boy Kyle!

Two weeks until the next home game.  Hoping Mother Nature doesn't have anymore surprises in store for us.  Stay tuned......

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Dental Virgin

Well, I had to go to Dr. Vic this morning.  He used to call me his "dental virgin" because all he could get out of me were some x-rays and a cleaning twice a year.  I got my first filling at the age of forty, and its been down hill ever since.  My teeth have never been pretty, but they have been healthy.

Today I went in for a follow up to some receding gum issues and two fillings.  Fillings now are to fix the wear and tear of all the good eating I've done in my adult life.  Still no crowns, just a few fillings and a wisdom tooth extraction years ago.

The best thing, or only good thing about going to see Dr. Vic, are his dental Hygienists.  If you aren't blonde and pretty, you won't be working here!  Its hilarious to be lying in the dental chair, looking up at those eyes, then having them say something to you and all can do is say argggggle!  Today during the cleaning, the hygienist was up close and personal.  She was just cleaning away and talking to me, and I hear this huge growl!  At first I thought it was me, because she just kept talking and working away.  Finally, when she took a breath, I asked her, "was that your stomach???"  She said, "yeah, I didn't eat supper last night, and I was gonna eat my breakfast after I finished up with you.  Kinda sounded like a bear, didn't it!"  Yep it did!

Her work all done, it was time for Dr. Vic.  I was moved to a different chair, where Miss Brenda was waiting.  She had this cute little thing with her.  I said "rut row, we gotta trainee today??"  The young assistant said "yes".  I asked how long had she been working.  Her answer was "this is my first day".  I yelled "OMG!  Dr. Vic, you're using a rookie on me????"  He said "she's got to learn it sometime, so why not do it on the worst patients!"  I asked her where she went to school, "Hinds" was the reply.  I said, "Oh my, not UMC????  Miss Brenda spoke up "I went to Hinds".  I then asked "well today they say "see you at Hinds", what did they say back in your day?"  Dr. Vic interjected "probably good bye!"  I asked are you making all A's?  She shly said "some A's, and lots of B's".

I told her, "If you can survive me today you'll be ok.  Dr. Vic said "Bill's an asshole that kids around a lot.  Its the assholes that aren't kidding that you have to worry about!"

Dr. Vic applied his magic potions and the needle and before long my mouth was completely numb.  He got started, then was barking out orders, and things weren't going exactly the way he wanted.  It wasn't long before Dr. Vic asked  Miss Brenda to step in.  I felt like I was in a scene from M.A.S.H. and the top dog assistant was called in.  Miss Brenda is no Hot Lips Houlihan!  Dr. Vic was working me over to get these two fillings done.  I held my big ole mouth open as far as I could get it, thinking I was gonna have a muscle cramp any minute!  He was finally done.  The rookie assistant stepped back in to do the wipe down and clean up.  Maybe she will have a better experience with the next patient.

Well, ole Dr. Vic doesn't refer to me as his "dental virgin" anymore, now that he has taken care of fire fillings over the past ten years.  Next appointment in December.  Hopefully no more fillings or other dental work for a while!

Sunday, September 7, 2014

Getting Too Old for This!

I think this aging thing is starting to catch up with me a bit.  A full day yesterday has officially caught up with me.

Football Saturday in Starkville.  Cooked two butts overnight, so an early rise to get all packed up.  Did not arrive on campus early enough by 15 minutes (4 hours before kickoff) and the whole campus gets shut down, so no easy drop off, bummer.  Luckily, I packed light and everything fit in my handy dandy wagon.  Not so lucky, parked in the village parking lot, at the bottom of long slope.  Wagons ho! but needed a man cub mule!  Getting too old for this....

Man cub had not arrived early either (five minutes away) so tables, chairs and such had to be toted the distance too.  Thank you Derrick and my handy dandy wagon!  Getting too old for this....

Tailgating spot is close to the stadium entrance, so that's an easy walk.  Sitting in 90 degree heat was another matter.  Lasted a quarter and a half.  Looked in the zone and had to take pity on those freshman frat boys wearing dressy clothes.  Never did it in my day, and thankfully don't do it now.  The heat, getting too old for this....

We stopped by the spousal unit's parent's house in Greenwood for a break before heading to the family wedding in Inverness, and change clothes.  The rebellion game was on, and the paw-in-law didn't have his hearing aids in.  He had the volume up so loud, it felt like we were in the middle of the student section in an overflow crowd .  Getting too old for this.....

Made it to Oakhurst, parking close to the road with a nice little walk ahead.  Spousal unit took the golf cart ride with a young buck driver.  I was in hot pursuit by foot.  Getting too old for this.....

Wedding reception is in full swing.  Wonderful people, amazing food, limitless bar, with a band playing too.  In my younger years I would lapped it all up.  One beer limit, check.  Tara doing the bump and grind on my butt took care of the dance steps.  Getting too old for this.....

Ride home was uneventful, till I missed the Natchez Trace turnoff.  How in the heck did I do that????  Oh well, there is always the County Line Road exit. Getting too old for this.

Well, guess what?  The Rebellion will be in Oxford this coming weekend, and the and the spousal unit will be in the middle of it!  I'm getting too old for this, NOT!!!!