Beach Lingo

If you've never been to.the beach, but are planning on going and eventually want to become a beachnick you must be familiar with the lingo:

1.  Chorus line:  when you look up and see five or more guys in a row, in the water, facing the horizon,  after drinking one too many beers.

2.  Squealer:  you're laid back, enjoying the view, and sounds of the surf, then you hear it:  woman screaming her head off, because "something" just touched her.  What!??  There are fish in this water???

3.  Bombs away:  when some nut decides to feed a bird.  One bird becomes a whole flock.  Feeding one becomes a freenzy, and the next thing you know, you're the one getting bombed from above!

4.  Swoll up:  there's that gal, cute little thang, wearing her itty bitty bikini, and she's at least five months pregnant!

5.  Red Flag:  the color of the day, telling you that you've got no business being in the water today.  Rip currents will eventually grab somebody with no regard for themselves or the unlucky soul that tries to save them.

6.  Rentals:  these are the chairs and umbrellas that greet you when you top the dune.  They rent for $25-50 a day, with a discount for the week.   Be like Bill, bring your own....

7.  Crime scene tape:  sometimes you will see a spot in the sand that has been marked off with sticks and crime scene tape.  Nobody died.  This is the location of a sea turtle nest.  If you're lucky, and your timing is right, you might get to watch the little ones making a run for the water!

8.  Flying kite:  not what you think.  It's a windy day, and some nut has not secured his umbrella or tent canopy.  Then a big gust of wind grabs it and off it goes!  Hopefully nobody close gets hurt.

9. Roasted and toasted:  there is always that guy that doesn't bother with sun screen.  Next thing you know, he's riper than a tomato!  He won't be back tomorrow, or any other day!

10.  Diaper babe:  the woman that refuses to buy a new swimsuit, and the one she has on, the elastic and spandex is totally shot, evidenced by her saggy bottom!

11.   Navy Diver:  that guy, that shows up with his latest purchase from the surf shop:  snorkle, mask, and fins.  You can usually spot him in three feet of water getting tossed about by the rolling surf!

12.  Jay Bird:  some parents let their toddler free style, with nothing on but a smile.

13.  Fire walker:  the Dude that shows up barefoot on the hottest day ever.  Hot!  Hot!  Hot!

14.  Sentry :  that lone wolf that shows up, by himself, usually with a chair and a small cooler.

15.  D J:  the guy that brings his boom box and plays his music loud enough for the whole beach to hear!

16.  The Creature from the Black Lagoon:  this would be the guy or gal that comes in from playing in the gulf, and they have more tattoo ink than clear skin on their body!

17.  Cliff diver:  that newbie at the beach that gets a running start and dives through the first wave, only to crash land on the sandy bottom!

18.  Board walk shuffle:  the amusing sight of watching older folks making their way to and from the water!

19. Noodler:  that man or woman that requires more than two noodles for floatation in the resort swimming pool.

20.  Sargent Major:  that woman, that takes charge, and uses the first fifteen minutes to remind all the kids about beach safety, and how to stay alive in that water out there!

There are a lot more.  These will help you make it thru the first hour, then you're on your own!