Ain't No Ordinary Donor

Call my call from the local leech bank, Mississippi Blood Services wanting me to come by for a visit.  I have always dreaded going because I feel so wasted for about three days after going.  Then, during a vampire drive at my local church, the leeches asked me if  I would consider giving two units.  Now you know why they are referred to as "vampires"!  I looked at them, like what the hell???  They then explained that they have a lot of requests for two units of blood for a patient, and it is preferable to have two identical units.  They hook you up to their contraption that pulls the red platelets out and it gives you back your plasma and all that other yucky stuff through one needle stick. I figured what the heck, sure, I'll give it a try..  Well, my veins are not the easiest to find and hit in one stick.  It took then longer to decide if they could stick me than it took to donate.  The bonus for me, was that I don't have that wasted feeling for three days.

So here I am, sitting their waiting for my turn. sipping on my Gatorade (now they want you hydrated too!).  They finally call me back for my "interview". They ask for your identification and can never pronounce my last name right.  How hard is it to say "Weems" for God's sake.  After teaching her the fine art of pronouncing my name, I ask her about her name, "Pourche" .  She pronounced it for me, and I said, "oh, like the car", and she said exactly.  I then said, "so, are you sleek and fast, like the car"?  She looked at me, and said "not anymore" then showed me her profile.  Whoops!  I hadn't noticed that she was pregnant!

Now its interview time. I love it when they are asking you all the questions and you begin to answer "no". Then they get to the sexual partner questions and just reference the question number without skipping a beat!  I asked her if her ever got a "yes" response to "those" questions. her reply, "occasionally".  Turns out those folks get a one way ticket to the front door and don't even get to treat themselves to the cookie and juice buffet before leaving!

The worst part of this whole process is that dern finger stick.  I hate it. I'm guessing that this lady must have played basketball in her youth, because she would toss everything she used into the red biohazard bucket, nothing but net!  I asked her if she ever missed, and she chuckled and said "every now and again".

I'm now comfortably sitting in the chair with the remote control and headphones waiting my turn for "the stick".  As I remind myself that my veins are difficult to hit, I look sternly at the tech, and say "don't miss". That must have shook her up cause she called for another tech.   I ask tech #2 if tech #1 was new, and she said yes.  As she was finishing up the sticking process, I winked at her and hinted for her to get the attention of tech #1.  Tech #1 turns around to see me shaking my whole body and rolling my eyes.  At least two of us got a good laugh out of it!